He's the Air I Would Kill to Breathe
by briewinchester
Summary: Danny breaks up with Steve and goes back to New Jersey. Steve finds out via letter and gets his act together and follows Danny. / established McDanno. Angst. Fluff. There's a happy ending I swear. Song: Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles


_Car is parked, bags are packed  
But what kind of heart doesn't look back  
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?  
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one  
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns_

Danny should've seen this coming. He should've known that he would never be enough. He packed up the Camaro with what little belongings he had. Broken hearted, Danny looked back at Steve's house. It was never 'theirs' and it never will be. With a deep, shuddering breath, he got behind the wheel and drove to the airport.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
I'll breathe again_

The whole plane ride to New Jersey, Danny felt incomplete. Like he was missing a limb. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He kept telling himself that this was all for the best. Danny could never stop loving Steve, but Steve just couldn't decide who he wanted more. Him or Catherine. And as much as it hurt, he made the choice for Steve. He left his letter of resignation and his key to Steve's place on his ex-partner's desk. He closed his eyes, trying to keep his tears at bay and get some sleep.

_Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth  
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view  
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart  
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore_

Danny had plenty of time to reflect back on his and Steve's relationship. In the beginning, it was easy. After knowing Steve for a few short months, they bickered like an old married couple and everyone around them called them on it; yet they were still oblivious. The bickering turned into shameless flirting and hanging out. Most people would say they were dates, but they were still in denial. It was on a particularly bad case where they both made their feelings known. And Danny was alright with Steve still seeing Catherine, just for appearances sake. But the deeper Danny fell, the more distant Steve got and it broke something inside him.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_

Steve sat at his desk, just staring at the letter Danny had left. He knew it was his own fault, letting his fears and insecurities dictate his life. A tear trickled from his eye and he knew he messed up the only good thing in his life. He felt empty, lifeless. Danny was everything good in his world. Danny was the anchor that kept him tethered to the world. His chest ached and his heart broke all over again as he read the note.

_My dearest Steven,_

_I'm so sorry that I couldn't tell you this in person, but I'm going home. Not for good because Grace is still there, but I just have to clear my head and take some time to get over you. Maybe when I'm ready, and if you'll still have me, I'd like to rejoin the task force. But right now, I just can't. I will always love you, don't forget that. I can't sit around to wait for you to make your choice, so I did it for you. Please, for the love of all that is holy, listen to me just this once. DO NOT FOLLOW ME. If you come after me, I don't think I can control myself. So for my sanity, please, just stay in Hawaii. Look after Gracie for me. I don't know when I'll be back, but I will someday._

_All my love,_

_Danny_

Steve dropped the letter to his desk and fled from the house, running to the beach. He fell to his knees at the edge of the surf, the waves lapping gently at his hands and knees.

_It hurts to be here  
I only wanted love from you  
It hurts to be here  
What am I gonna do?_

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching  
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
I'll breathe again_

Mind made up, Steve went back to the house and booked the next flight available to New Jersey. He couldn't live without Danny and he knew he had to get him back. Sending off a quick text to Chin telling him what was going on, Steve told him to hold down the fort. He sped to the airport, his flight leaving in an hour, parked and ran for the gate once he arrived. He didn't bother with any luggage; he wasn't expecting to stay long.

Finally on the plane, he fidgeted the whole way to LAX to make his connecting flight. He wished the plane would go faster, something so he could get to Danny faster. He sighed with relief when the flight attendant announced that they would be landing soon. The first thing he did when he stepped foot in the airport was find a payphone with a phone book. He figured that Danny would be at his parents' house. He flipped to the W's, found the address and flagged down a taxi, rattling off the address upon entering.

Steve stood on the sidewalk in front of the simple two-story house. He looked at his watch. It was pretty late, but there were lights on in the living room. He hoped that Danny would answer the door as he forced himself to walk to the door. He rubbed his sweaty palms over his thighs before knocking firmly yet softly on the door.

Danny sat curled up on his parents' couch, watching crappy late night television when there was a knock at the door. He jumped up to answer it, not wanting to wake his parents. Danny was about to tell the person off for disturbing them this late, but all words escaped him when he saw the person on the other side of the door. Getting over the initial shock, words found him again.

"What the hell—"

Steve surged forward before Danny could say anything more and he lost his courage. He captured Danny's mouth in a hot, languid kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead to Danny's, feeling like he could finally breathe.

"I'm so sorry. I was stupid and let myself get in the way of something that I really truly want. I want you Danno. I will always want you. I don't know why it took me so long to see it. I'm so, so sorry. Please, come back to me. Come home."

Danny sagged in Steve's strong, comforting arms. He realized that they were both crying. Danny finally, finally felt complete. He could breathe and didn't feel like he was drowning any longer. He kissed Steve again, because he could, before dragging him inside and closed the door.

"We'll leave in the morning. And you'll get to meet my parents." he turned off the lights and television and led Steve to his childhood bedroom. He snuggled into Steve's arms, finally able to sleep in what felt like years.

_I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_


End file.
